Questions

For the past three years, I've been asking a lot of questions in my spiritual life. Freeing questions, questions like...

What does the Christian life look like?
What is kingdom living?
If I could see into God's heart, what would I find?
Does God care to make us comfortable?
Does comfort equal blessing?
Should the Christian life even be comfortable?
If we all serve the same God and listen to the same Holy Spirit, why all the disunity in the body of Christ?
Why are there starving, dying people in the world while the body of Christ sits in large, air conditioned buildings on Sunday mornings?
What does it mean to be a good steward of my time, money, and life?
What does giving looking like?
Does a big church mean that God is present there and bestowing big blessings?
Does a small church mean the opposite?
What does it mean to really love my neighbor?
Is God pleased with the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart?
Am I loving my 'enemies'?
Am I hearing His voice or are there too many distractions?

For some I have found answers, for others I'm still looking. Sometimes I like the answers, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I do what I'm supposed to, and sometimes I'm really selfish. Sometimes I know the answers before I ask them. Some I have to ask everyday.

By asking these questions, my Christian life has changed. I'm no longer doing things because some one else tells me I should. I am striving to hear and listen to the Spirit. Sometimes that listening leaves an unsettledness in my spirit, not a lack of peace, but a prodding. A prodding toward my purpose. A desire to freely say yes to whatever God has for me. A knowledge that even though God's yoke is easy, taking that yoke means getting rid of the one I still hold on to.

Over the next few weeks my blog will have some of what I've learned and some of what I'm still pondering, asking, and processing through. Feel free to comment, ignore, or disagree. All I ask is that you will think about it. Ask yourself questions. Ask God questions. Know why you do what you do.

Thoughts...

In the cardio room at the YMCA there is a wall full of TVs to watch during workouts. Typically I pick the most interesting show and find an elliptical machine in front of it. Today nothing looked good, so I turned my mp3 player on to my music and starting moving.

Even though I was listening to music, I would glance occasionally at the TVs. The one in front of me was tuned to CNN. Each time I glanced up, there were horrible pictures of the Brazilian air crash, hostages, missing women, or some other form of bad news. Even without the sound, the images were overwhelming. When a clip of distraught family members from the plane crash came up I could feel their pain. I began praying for them when something came to my mind.

Every day God sees and feels those same disturbing images. He's there when they happen. There is no tear He doesn't see, no crime He doesn't witness, no broken heart He doesn't feel, and no good thing that doesn't come from Him. There is no person on this earth He didn't give His own Son to redeem. His love is so big, but bad things still happen right along with the good. We've all heard the "Sunday school" answers for those bad things, I have a hard time accepting them. There are lots of books that try to explain them, but I'm not sure anyone really can fully do that. So, here's the conclusion I've come to. I don't have the answers and I'm not supposed to. He is an amazing, perplexing, Almighty, Sovereign, impossible to fully comprehend God, but in His presence we can have a peace that passes all understanding even in the most difficult times.

All that on the elliptical machine.